Lunch at Casa Hortensia

The Adventure of the Second Steak

Bill
€€€
Per Person
€30-35. Four courses incl Fabada, 1/2 bottle Ramon Bilbao. Gratis: digestive/chupito Reservations advisable.

Location
On the web


In Short
Hopes? A traditional celebratory lunch.
Reality? Exactly that.
First Impressions? It's an office building.
A USP? Enormous Asturian portions.
The food in three words? Share it out!
Can they get the staff? No shortage of mostly mature males.
Service with a smile? Old school.
Would you take your friends? The menu means it depends on the friends.
Rating for a dating? Probably not the best. Too much food.
Tip? Small one.
Change one thing? Speed up the service.
Going back? Almost certainly.

Compare and Contrast
Authentic food from elsewhere in the North at Ribera do Miño.

In Pictures
On Google Images

In Depth
A Madrid classic. Mention Casa Hortensia to any group of locals. Someone will know it and one visit will tell you why. It's memorable for the roght reasons.

So, looking for a spot for a birthday do for 10? It's a go-to choice, but not for the V-minded. Unless you like cabrales, egg & chips and asparagus. And don't think tortilla de la casa is a Spanish omelette. It's a pìnkish, chilled, fish-based cake (yes, really) that's about 20 cm across and 10cm high.

Taking a lick from our favourite popsters, at CH two restaurants become one. On the second floor, the restaurant proper is a la carte. In practice, the sidreria upstairs which does tapas and raciones, often acts as overflow space. What they do is colossal portions of meat and fish and, just note, photos follow.

So starters? Cabrales was on the table as soon as we sat down. Spreadable, on some distinctive fresh bread, with a beer this sets the tone perfectly. Powerful. Moreish. Asturian.

Not listed, the ham croquettes/croquetas are first class. 10 per portion, one of our group was so keen they ordered an extra plate. Fresh, very crunchily breaded, ask after them. But...egg and chips? Smash 'em up. Share with bread and a good red wine. It's a revelation. A cracking dish, even. No...? Well.

Equally impressive is prawn and asparagus revuelto. Extremely tasty this, but one between ten meant a couple of forkfuls each. Why? We knew what was coming. The main courses.

As the say in Oviedo, Beanz Meanz fabada. Find better in Madrid and we want to know. A meaty, powerful concoction to fuel hours down the mine, on the boat or in the fields shoving cows around. Punctuated by terrific chorizo, morcilla and pork belly, it demands a decent bottle of red. Magically, it stays moreish, no mean feat with these ingredients. Still, two big ladlefuls and you'll be fed until tomorrow. Nominally that's a single portion, but there's enough for at least two and you almost could feed four at a push.

There are more to come. Here's merluza a la romana. Again, it's nominally for one, but there's enough to share between two or more. Fresh fish, simply fried. Very good.

Several red meats are on offer. You could try the 2cm thick veal entrecotte, which is very tasty, although you'll navigate a fair bit of fat. With a friend (or two), there's a sharing sirloin or ox chuleton/T-bone.

The sirloin arrives flash griddled on all sides, served sliced. There's a red hot plate to let you - and company - finish each slice to your liking, al taglio.

The T-bone's intended for one but enough for two. Two medium sized velociraptors, that is. We're talking two steaks left as one joint, weighing a kilo-plus - including bones. Prepare for a monolith of meat, a chunk of chop, a pile of protein, a load of loin.

OK, feeble comic wordplay is our only means of defense, but imagine being intimidated by a lump of beef. Early Schwarzenegger movies aside, this scenario is not in the official reviewers' training manual.

Our preference is the sirloin. It's a sociable experience, upskilling your grilling with others. It's more fun, sharing with other steakholders. Steakholders, you see. No...? Well. We're not sold on the very well done and extremely rare meat of the incredible hunk. Still, some will be in heaven and our resident carnivore was delighted - it's also remarkably good value.

There are plenty of desserts on offer, but with a birthday celebration to follow, we kept it light. Cups of ice-cream are generous, multi-scoop affairs. Cheesecake is a generous homemade wodge which,  isn't defaced with spray-on plasticream. Last up, and invaluable if (i.e. when) you (i.e. I) overindulge on the mains, is  a glass of lemon sorbet with cava. It's a great palate cleanser, but I'd rather have a spoon than a straw.

And, yes, we ordered cider.

 In fact, you could say we splashed out. No...? Well.

Service is not always quick, despite plenty of scarlet-waistcoated waiters circulating. 5 minutes to take a drinks order and 10 to deliver some beers is inexplicable. Polite verging on formal, things got unexpectedly curt when we were after those extra croquetas. Diners, we got the impression, like the croquetas, ought to know their place.

Decor is fairly formal and traditional and you'll be surrounded by extended families celebrating birthdays and anniversaries, like our group. It's a hint of daily Madrid life many visitors rarely get to be part of.

An experience, then, but with such massive portions, take plenty of friends or a plan.